Thursday, August 26, 2021

That first drag

There is something about the drag from a factory made cigarette. It is like sucking life from something which gives you death. But that first drag with the morning espresso gives you a shot of life albeit a contaminated one. Still it is only that first one which gives you that sensation, the rest may have their own value when matched to the moment, some insight, a view, pleasure or even an apathetic moment need to be accompanied with a drag... sort of it always accenuates feelings be they of awe or pain...still on those rare occasions when i surpass the 10 cigs limit, they start to taste just as they really are: toxic and unpleasant especially with too much booze. Probably at that stage you start smelling like an ash tray. And worse after years of smoking you could end up smelling like one of those old bars which have absorbed decades of tobacco smoke. Still they form part of the chain which makes that singular sensation of each morning's drag possible. It is that drag which makes it so difficult to stop the habit which gets in to a routine. Surely there are other ingredients which add to the allure. The smoke itself envelopes you in a kind of intimacy and a smoke filled room is always pregnant with great ideas and hopes. It is hard to imagine a revolution being planned in a smoke free room. Yet you don't need a cig for that...vaping was a good substitute in that sense except for that damn first drag and the hard texture of the thing. Guess it is always a good time to quit. But what can substitute the feeling of that first drag? Perhaps it is just one thing one has to simply give up.